It’s been a long time coming

Hi, friends. I’m back :)

In the small chance someone is still actually subscribed from years ago and will receive a “The Molly Effect has a new post!” email in their inbox today, you’re probably wondering what’s up. And if you’re seeing this from me on social media and wondering “Oh gosh, what is she writing now?” I promise to make this first one brief (yeah, right - we know I’m not good at that).

I’m still navigating the world of young women at high-risk for cancers due to BRCA mutations. Ten years ago I was focused on breast cancer prevention and most recently I’ve taken more of a personal focus on ovarian cancer prevention.

Six weeks ago I had preventative surgery to greatly decrease my risk of ovarian cancer. It’s something I’ve been planning for years, but a major surgery nonetheless. I’ve spent the last month and a half resting, recovering and figuring out how to manage surgical menopause. I have so much to say and stories to tell and really, that is the point to bringing all of this back.

Scientifically, the odds have never been in my favor. Having the BRCA1 mutation means your risks are higher and the outlook scarier. What I have always worked to do and what still remains true is that I believe the knowledge of this mutation can save lives. Using knowledge as power, as scary as it may be, can be what changes the outlook and increases the odds of a healthy, long life. One longer than my dad was able to live, and one long enough for me to watch my boys grow older. Sharing this sentiment has always been my purpose.

Ten years ago I had my preventative double mastectomy in a time where not many young women like me talked about it. I set out to share my story and help others by being brave enough to open myself to criticism and comments, if only to connect with one person. In the end, I made strong, lasting connections that empower me still.

So for those who may have lost touch since my beginning blogging days or are new to my novel-like posts, a quick life update. What’s changed since the last post in 2016? Most notably, our two boys! Our son Rory Scott was born in 2017 and is now in kindergarten and obsessed with all things sports. This morning he woke up at 6:40 a.m. and told us which teams were ranked top in the Big 12. I don’t even know what teams are in the Big 12. It’s fun learning “sports” through his eyes. Our son Peter Robert was born in 2020, right before the pandemic, and is in his first year of preschool. He has bright red hair and a smile that lights any room, and says every thought that comes to his mind - both a blessing and a curse depending on who’s in ear’s distance. Both are the quintessential “boys,” spending most of their waking hours running us in circles. Being a mom is the most exhausting, gratifying role I play these days.

There have been many more changes in the years since I’ve been active on here. And maybe I’ll put them into words one day. But what’s equally as important is what has stayed the same.

If you were once an avid reader of this blog (LOL, let me allow myself to believe that anyone was an avid reader of mine), I used to rave about all the ways Kevin and I would YOLO. The YOLOing looks different these days, but I’d like to believe we still maintain that young identity in our hearts. Saturday bar hopping has turned into kid-friendly neighborhood breweries and Netflix shows or speed-reading novels after bedtime, but still YOLOing just the same.

So I guess this is my long-winded explanation of why today and why now I come back to this blog. I’ve always found peace in writing - in sharing my thoughts in words and releasing them out into this universe. I’ve found myself searching and Googling constantly this time around, trying to find anyone out there in my position, in my stage of life, going through this type of recovery process, and have had no success. The marketer in me has an urge to tag the heck out of this page, use all the right key terms and become my own SEO expert so that the next person like me can find my story and not feel so alone. Marketing aside, maybe if I’m brave enough to share my story, others will do the same. If there’s one thing I’ve learned over these years, it’s the strength in numbers and power of community that means the most. If it doesn’t already exist, maybe I can help create it.

I don’t have all the answers. Or really any of them yet. But maybe I will eventually. Maybe I will meet people who do, or are also working to find them. And then maybe I can feel as if by sharing my story, I have helped one person, as I began to do 10 years ago when I started this journey.

I’ll get to more of that later, but for now, as if to exhale one last time before I ditch the novels and Netflix in exchange for my laptop and first day back to work post-surgery tomorrow, here is my first post - out of my head and onto this dusty old blog. 

Until then, I hope you enjoy the very millennial-like, long-form content that my journalism-educated self still finds as the most comforting medium of consumption. I’ll be back soon to share more.

Cheers! Xoxo

P.S. if you scroll down and deep dive the archived posts from my early days, just know I am cringing along with you. Yikes 2016 was a long time ago!

Making time is hard to do (but let's get over ourselves)

^I'm mainly talking to myself here. But really, we all need to get over ourselves sometimes.

I can't tell you how many times I've given the excuse to someone that "Gosh, I'm just so busy lately, I have no time to do anything!" especially when referring to my writing/why haven't I written anything in awhile. I label my writing, whether for HG or for my blog as "free time" work, but really, it means (and I need to remember this on a regular basis) much more to me than just a random on-the-side hobby. But when I get busy and things start to get a little nutso in life, I let it take a back seat and blame its short term nonexistence on my lack of available time.

Well, I've gotta get over that. Because if I'm being honest with myself, (and I know a lot of my peeps are in a similar situation) life is crazy 95% of the time, so I need to get over the fact that I don't have a lot of free time during my work weeks or weekends, because it's generally filled with fun things I want to be doing anyway! Plus, my writing is something I ENJOY and helps me feel fulfilled, so why not dedicate a few more hours to it instead of avoiding it?

Cue this week's writing: My latest HG article is about this very topic of being a "yes" person with an over-committed calendar, but why that's actually OK for me, right now. Living in this crazy stage of life, full of work, play and lots of YOLOing, is just where I want to be. And hey, if I can do it alongside a fun husband and great friends and family, why not? So do me a favor, and check that article out here.

And what's been personally keeping me busy lately? Well, since I've taken this few week hiatus of writing on here, a lot has been keeping me busy! But that's a normal thing, so today I'll focus on sharing a few new, fun places in this great city of Cincinnati that I've explored so far this spring. Below are a few of my faves as of lately, and I'm sure the list will continue to grow each week. 

I recommend them all, and recommend that you spend your next bit of free time exploring and doing something that makes you happy. At the end of the day, being busy is worth it if you're filling your free time with things you love and that make you a better, happier person. In the words of Molly and Kevin McKnight, go YOLO!

Xoxo,
Molly

Rhinegeist Rooftop Bar
If you live in Cincinnati, chances are you've been hearing people rave about the new rooftop bar at Rhinegeist. If you don't live in Cincinnati, let me tell you, it's pretty legit. Rhinegeist was one of the first big spots in Over-the-Rhine has continued to expand and become more legit by the day. So, if you're around town, the sun is shining and you want somewhere to go for a craft beer or cider, I suggest climbing the stairs to the rooftop.

FC Cincinnati
Another new thing around Cincinnati is our new United Soccer League professional soccer team. I went to a game with some coworkers and Kev and it was so cool! (It also rained the whole game, so if I'm saying it was cool, it must have been really cool.) Totally recommend going with a group of friends and hitting up a random Clifton bar pre or post game. Check their schedule here.

Dutch's, Hyde Park
This super cute little spot serves as a walk-up bar & bottle shop, deli and restaurant. The cutest part? The private back patio that sits behind the shop with fire pits and a bocce court. We stumbled upon the back patio one random weeknight before dinner and I can't wait to go back. (Also, apparently they have burger night on Thursdays with a limited supply of a burger special. You can find me there my next free Thursday!)

Oakley Pup Crawl
You guys! This was hilarious/amazing/scary/too good to pass up. If you know me, you know I'm not a dog person. But recently we've been hanging with Ella, the McKnight's dog, a lot so I'm trying to warm up to the whole dog idea. We had Ella the weekend of the Oakley Pup Crawl and WOW, it was crazy! People all over the city bring their dogs to our neighborhood of Oakley to bar hop (yes, like legit dogs in the bars), check out local vendors, take part in competitions and support local dog-focused charities. I literally was hanging out in OPG (Oakley Pub & Grill) with what seemed like a million dogs. It was hilarious, kind of terrifying (not a huge fan of loud, big, scary animals...) yet totally worth checking out. Mark it on your calendar for next year!

Cheers to two thriving years!

Two years ago this morning I got up at the crack of dawn and my mom and I hopped in the car and we were off to UC Medical Center for my journey to begin. Never did I think at the time that there was even a journey to be had. I thought I was going to have surgery, quietly recover and in a few weeks I'd be back to work and life without much else involved. 

Since then, I so fortunately gained a voice in the community, have been given so, so many awesome opportunities to share my story and my life has evolved in such a positive way I can barely put it into words. 

There are so many people I want to thank - for being my supporters and my fighters and my sense of peace when I have a random freakout moment (it happens). I could never say thank you enough or find words for all of you, but I'll try my best:

Thank you to my advocates - my supporters who may be friends, coworkers, friends of our families, long-distance followers to my story, my doctors and BFFs within the UC Medical Center circle and so many more. I continually am amazed at the kind words I receive and motivational pushes that keep me going. I owe so much to all of you! Please know that I appreciate your support every single day. Each and every text, email, call, Sametime makes me remember why I'm doing what I'm doing, and I can continue my mission and work because of you guys.

Thank you to my incredible friends - my high school best friends who have literally been with me longer than I have memory, and that know me better than I know myself. Clearly I haven't always been easy to deal with, but thank you for always being my besties, and continuing our philosophy of being (responsibly) on the loose, always. Thank you to my Bobcat girlfriends - who keep the (crazy) spirit of OU alive every time we get together. We may not be back in the promise land of Athens very often, but I look forward to every time we're together and can laugh about the stupid things we did and friendships we gained back in the days on the bricks. And thank you to my Cincinnati friends - who I am seriously blessed beyond measure that Kev brought you all into my life. I may hate on the excessive amount of Turpin inside jokes, but I'll be an honorary THS alum for the rest of my life if it means I get all of you to stay in mine. 

Thank you to my families - To my mom who is my #1 fan in everything I do. You may have to be because you're my mom, but I appreciate it always and wouldn't be who or where I am today without you pushing me. Between you graciously helping with every little thing I need in life, and Mark willingly hanging every frame, mirror and shelf in our house, I'm confident Kevin and I will survive our first year of homeownership. To Jenny & Liv - for keeping me laughing at all times in life, supporting me 100% and for knowing how retail therapy can sometimes be the only thing to stop tears (cue Easter 2 years ago, sometimes you need a new purse to feel better. Lol!) In all seriousness, I think Dad would be so proud of each of his three girls. And to my new extended in-laws family - I lucked out big time with you guys and I'm so fortunate to have another family who is the epitome of work hard, play hard, love hard.

And to my sweet, sweet Kev - how do I even put into words how much I appreciate you? The reason I was able to go through all of this - the ups, downs and in-betweens - and still feel beautiful after every day, is because of you. I look forward to so many more years of YOLOing and making an adventure out of every opportunity we have. God blessed me big time by crossing our paths in little Athens, Ohio, over a shared love of Ninja Turtle shots at the Crystal and belting out tunes on long car rides. And p.s., most importantly, thanks for dealing with my craziness on a daily basis. You, my dear, are a saint.

So join me in a virtual cheers today! The last two years have been scary, exciting and filled with a whole lot of thriving. And the best part? The journey is nowhere near the end, and there is so much more to come.

Thanks for reading and supporting me and just being part of my crew. This one's to all of you!

Xoxo,
Molly

Giving up would have been so easy

Two years ago this month, I had my first surgery. What you may not know, or not remember now that you've been (so graciously) listening to it for so long, is that at that time, it wasn't this hugely known "thing" I was doing. I hadn't begun shouting it from the rooftops or writing about it or really telling people outside of my circle. It was still scary and unknown and kind of embarrassing.

And then something happened. Somewhere between recovering, being surrounded by so much love and support and getting my life back together, I found my "thing." I found this emotional, empowering platform to stand on and be a voice for other young women that have a strong family history or maybe even have a BRCA mutation, too. I re-found my love for writing and started to feel like what I did and my courage to speak up about it could really be impactful to the lives of so many, rather than just myself.

But it wasn't always easy. Now two years later, it's obviously much more fun to remember all the cool people I've met and experiences I've been able to be a part of, but that wasn't all of it. There were times where I was worried about my scars, literally and figuratively, re-appearing and not always being able to be this extremely positive "you go girl" type person.

I was thinking about this little rut I almost allowed myself to get in, as I was re-reading some of my old blog posts. It really is an energizing thing for me to go back and revisit old stories and posts and times in my life. It's so easy to keep looking ahead, but so much happened, and I'm glad I have a lot of it literally archived.

I wrote a post about the fear of losing my identity, back in January 2015. And as I was reading this one, it kind of made me a little sad. I clearly was having a bit of a hard time adjusting to who I was becoming and where I had been and where I should go next. It wasn't until now, 15 months later, that I'm looking back and thinking, "Wow. I could have so easily just let this go." Of course I ended that blog post on a positive note, keeping that "you go, girl" attitude I so strive to make consistent, but clearly it wasn't enough. 

It wasn't until six months after that downer of a post that I came back to The Molly Effect. Yes, I had bachelorette parties and home-buying and a wedding keeping me busy during then, but I chose to stay away from here. And I know it was out of fear of the unknown. And maybe a little awkwardness. It was hard to get back to writing when I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do next. And to be honest. I don't really know when the switch flipped. But it did.

What I'm trying to get at here is that it would have been so easy to say, you know, I did this "thing" and made this impact and now I'm ready to stop working at it. That would have been so easy and I don't think anyone would have blamed me. But that would have been so, so lame. Little did I know back then that my story was just beginning, and that I had the ability to determine the next chapters ahead.

I'm not anywhere near the ending of my story, but I know I'm glad I kept it going. 

Nearly two years later, I'm finding more ways to make a difference, more ways to share my story and more courage to keep it going.

If you're in a place right now where you feel like giving up or calling it quits just because you can't see where you'll go next or how you're going to get there, I'm going to tell you to hold on. Your best, most compelling chapters of your story could still be ahead, even if they're unclear or not quite ready to be written. I'm telling you this because I'm glad I had people telling me the same thing, and encouraging me to not be done just yet.

And to all my advocates out there, thanks for keeping me afloat and continually empowering me to find my next "thing," and also to keep this one going. I'm so grateful for all that's happened in the last two years, and am excited that soon I'll have even more new pieces of my story to share with you here (fun projects in the works!) Until then, I'll just keep jogging down memory lane, brainstorming and daydreaming my next few chapters (and blog posts). 

Hang in there. I'm so glad I did.  Xoxo,
Molly

It's about 35 degrees this morning in Cincinnati, so let's also flashback to much warmer (and the happiest!!) times in Jamaica on our honeymoon last June. Cheers to spring weather hopefully arriving soon!

Let's all be brave

I'll start today by saying I'm genuinely proud of myself and my friend Lauren, who after months (maybe even years?) of us talking about wanting to do a girlfriend bible study, we actually, finally made it happen. On our own. In full disclosure, we had no idea what we were doing and pretty much played the whole thing by ear. But we did it and we made it all the way through a book, and somehow convinced two of our friends to join us (and they kept coming back each week).

We may not have realized it then, but that was brave.

We had weekly get togethers and discussions and lots of chardonnay. We read through a book that forced all of us to think and act outside our comfort zones, and the best part is that we did it together.

And that was brave, too.

Our last "meeting" lasted four hours, mostly in part because we ate, drank and girl-talked all while discussing the last chapters and the end of this new "thing" we embarked on and completed. And after discussion was over and done for the last time, we decided to keep going. To look up places in our community to serve together and to meet again soon to find the next book we can dive into, maybe this time with a little more confidence that we know what we're doing.

And that is definitely brave.

As we were ending this (quite literal) chapter, we went around and talked individually about what we got out of this book and our time together, and I think this was the coolest thing we did throughout the five week adventure. Naturally, I grabbed my laptop and between sips of wine and bites of cookies, frantically started typing because I knew this was going to be too good not to capture.

And these are my brave, brave friends - what they learned from this book about themselves, their relationship with their faith and where they want to go from here. I am so, so proud to call these girls my girlfriends. If there were ever a reason to be persuaded to read a book, I think this would be it. Enjoy! Xoxo.

"I remember all the moments that spoke to me. I'm like, 'I get it now. And where could I apply this to my life?' It never once felt like I was being lectured, but I appreciated that I knew then in that instance that it meant something to me and how I needed to apply it to my life."

"This brought out defining moments of my life and how I want to make myself better and continue to put myself out there. Now I value myself more and look at things differently."

"Now I'm able to step back and think about being brave, and having a consciousness of it - opportunities to be brave and having the self awareness that we're capable of it and are capable of so many more brave things. We want them so bad now and are excited for it. Having that excitement, having a whole new feeling about how we live our life and a new meaning to it. Even every day things we don't think twice about but could impact someone else and impact you more than you know it."

"I'm learning we don't have to do this amazing thing to be brave or to change someone's life, but the little things we do can make such a difference to someone and to us."

"I've found myself a lot more vulnerable thinking about the person I want to be and what I need. I'm allowing myself to be the person I want to be - and that's really vulnerable."

"It makes me want to be a better person, a better wife, a better friend, a better coworker."

Note: The book we read is called Let's All Be Brave by Annie Downs. It's a non-fiction, essay driven book that is way more than a bunch of bible verses. It's real life stories that are relatable, funny and encourage you to be brave in all aspects of your life. You can purchase it on Amazon with the link below. Do yourself a favor and check it out. I promise it's a worthy one.

**Special, special shout-out to my friend Annie Jagoditz who took these awesome photos. You, my friend, are amazing.

I dare you to move

Do you ever have those instances in life where you just know you were meant to say something, do something, be something? This comes from one of those moments. Where I quickly grab my phone and jot down lines that come to my head, because I know I need to write about them later. (Thank God for the iPhone Notes app that contains so many random thoughts from my brain, and that my girlfriends don't judge when I sprint to grab my phone mid-conversation when I have one of these moments).

It doesn't seem adequate that I can truthfully tell you that I can sum up the best experience of my life in just one song, from one summer, that was TWELVE years ago. What?! How 2004 was 12 years ago truly blows my freaking mind. But I can, and I will. So today, I dare you to move.

John's Island, South Carolina, Summer of 2004

Up until this point in my beginning of high school life, I had been on various mission trips since seventh grade. I was familiar enough, but it was still an adventure of its own each year. I was a freshman in high school, surrounded by older classmates, that I looked up to more than I realized at the time.

We were in the heart of low country South Carolina. An area so close to Ohioan vacation spot Hilton Head Island, that you almost can't believe how impoverished this beautiful (and extremely hot) area actually is. But here we were. For a week, divided up into groups, set to serve in the community. I found myself in a group of somewhat strangers and acquaintances. But to sum up the absolute most impactful week of my entire life: I found my faith, in the heat of the South Carolina sun, through the friends that were next to me day in and day out and through the guidance of the God-driven leaders who took us on this path to serving others and to Christ. God bless this mission trip and the people who were with me, because I know for certain it has shaped me into who I am this very moment, 12 years later.

I will absolutely admit that mission trips are almost as stereotypical as they're sometimes portrayed. Yes, we spend the days serving (building houses, playing with kids, eating packed lunches). Yes, we spend the evenings planning and participating in worship. And yes, we end up becoming best friends with strangers and becoming, quite literally, obsessed with the trips and with each other. It's kind of just how it is, and I'm thankful for it.

On this trip, I was blessed with, what I will still defend as, the best group ever. We became best friends. We learned about each other. We were open and honest about things we normally didn't speak about. We found our faith through one another. It truly was as beautiful as it sounds (and a fun fact, two of those members are now married, after meeting on this very trip, this very week that I still think about. God moments, am I right?!)

And through this incredible group, we found a message to share. Around this time in the early 2000s, Switchfoot was killing the Christian rock scene (aren't they still?!) so it was natural we were drawn to the contagious song, "I Dare You to Move."

And I'm going to tell you, and I truly mean it. This song changed my life. Maybe not just the song, but the people who were around me when I became obsessed with it, and the people who I still think about this day when I hear it. During this week of mission, I was dared to step out of my comfort zone and dared to find who I am and who I wanted to be. Dared to use power tools and not kill myself or anyone within wood-yielding distance from me. Dared to pray openly in front of others, and to encourage others to do the same. Quite frankly, dared to live in a church in the middle of nowhere and use outdoor showers for a week (yes, these are real, and yes, they were one of the best and funniest parts of the trip).

We found love, we found God, we found best friendships. I'm not sure everyone will understand this feeling. I'm not sure you'll understand the nostalgia that I feel to this day, just thinking about this time. But maybe that's the point. Maybe it's up to people like me to spread that feeling, to make you want to know what that gratitude and accomplishment and pure love feels like. To want to serve others, to serve your community.

Being dared to step outside your comfort zone is not easy. It wasn't then and it still isn't now. The difference is, I know it's possible. And most of the time, it's what I know I'm meant to do. I know I'm meant to stop calling my book club/bible study just that, and have the confidence to tell anyone and everyone that yes, I'm in a bible study, and yes, we drink wine during it, and yes, a lot of times it's the highlight of my whole week. I want to be brave enough to have the courage to say that with confidence.

So I dare you. I dare you to move, just as I'm daring myself.

And so here I am, bringing myself back to the summer, southern heat of 2004. The naivety of being young and faithful and confident in who and where I was, in a time of life where confidence isn't always easy to come by. I'm daring myself so much it hurts. I'm daring to speak up about my bible studies, my faith, my relationships with others and with God.

Because, I hope that having courage, and having bravery, and having faith, will encourage you, too. No matter what your faith is and no matter what you believe in, I hope you can dare yourself to do so proudly. After all, aren't we meant to live for so much more than ourselves?

I promise to try, so hopefully you will, too. Let's do it together.

Xoxo,
Molly

When I'm gone, I hope they drink margaritas

When I think back to the year my dad passed away, I always remember how weird it felt, to be having someone so close being taken from me while I was still so young. Really, all of three of us, "dad's girls" were too young. As we keep getting older, I know it will become more and more common that we have people around us who lose loved ones. I guess at some point it becomes a fact of life. We get older and so do those we love.

It's been close to five years and it's still kind of weird. I'm not sure there will ever be a year where I start thinking I feel 100% back to normal. In reality, each year kind of gets harder. When you're young (and stupid,) you don't remember to thank your dad for everything he's given you or taught you or made possible for you. When you're older (and a tad wiser,) you think of all the things you wish you could have thanked him for, and even harder, you think of all the things and times and places you wish you could share with him in adult life.

There are a few things I remember vividly about my dad and they're what I make myself hold onto, close and really tight. They're those types of memories you want to have to tell your children. The ones that never get old and never get forgotten. The ones that make you miss someone so much it hurts, but still make you smile.

This time of year, those memories are around margaritas. My dad's birthday is tomorrow, March 12. Looking back on the years I had with him, my dad-birthday memories revolved around Mexican restaurants. He loved Mexican food. Like really loved it. Loved making guacamole and homemade margaritas at home, loved the real-deal authentic hole in the wall restaurants we'd stumble upon on vacations and even loved the cheap chips and salsa type Mexican restaurants (as long as they'd bring him special "extra hot" salsa from the back).

These are the type of memories I keep in a special place tucked in my brain, and in my heart. I'm sure there were years we did something different, tried something new, but I remember the Mexican dinners and margaritas. And yes, I know for most of my birthdays spent with him, I was participating in the celebrations with virgin strawberry daiquiris topped with loads of whip cream. I even keep the memory of forcefully putting a big sombrero on his head while singing "Happy Birthday" so we could get a quick, embarrassing Polaroid picture as a souvenir. So in March each year, I remember him, the margaritas and really good family time together.

My dad and margaritas go together in more ways than birthday memories. Now that I'm older and also enjoy a killer margarita, it's like my "dad thing." My thing that I feel like I share with him. A thing I can use to celebrate his birthday, his life, his memory. Margaritas in their best form are simple: water, sugar, limes, orange liqueur and lots of good tequila. Maybe it's weird that in 22 years of him giving me life lessons, the one I keep top of mind is a margarita recipe. But aren't the simple life lessons sometimes the best?

I believe I'm strong enough in my faith to know my dad is peacefully in Heaven, drinking the best margaritas he's ever had. But I also believe he's proudly watching us down here on Earth getting by, with the help of a margarita every now and then.

So cheers to you, Dad. Thanks for giving us a fantastic reason to drink margaritas and eat chips and guacamole in your memory each year.

Your favorite line to me was always, "Make good choices." I hope you know I'm trying my best to honor that ask. And whenever I'm offered, I choose the good margarita, with the good tequila.

Xoxo,
Molly

Funky Friday

Ever have those days or weeks where you find yourself just in a funk? Whether it's stress or exhaustion or sometimes you don't even know why you're just feeling kind of... off. Been there, done that. I get so mad when I allow myself to get in one of these funks, and ruin a beautiful God-given day, just to be in a sour mood. I know deep down it's not worth it, and whatever is bothering me will be A-okay sooner than later (most of the time), but for some reason, it's so hard to remember that logic when you're down the deep, dark hole of your bad mood.

So today I'm going to focus (and want you to focus, too) on shaking that funk and celebrating the wonderfulness of TGIF, and everything in life we have to be grateful for. And I'll start by telling you how I thought of this topic (aside from being in a weird mood one day this week):

I recently started participating in a little small group book club/bible study with a few close girlfriends. Super casual, super play-it-by-ear, we don't really know what we're doing, but we're going to try, type of thing. It's turning out to be incredible. And I want to talk in length about it, and the awesome book, once we finish, but for now, I'll tell you how it helped me get over myself and crawl out of a funk.

We met this week on Wednesday night in pretty much the best type of circumstance possible: pizza, wine and girl talk. So in all fairness, I should have seen it coming a mile away that I'd leave this type of evening in a kick-ass mood. And as a little teaser, the book we're reading is called Let's All Be Brave by Annie F. Downs. I haven't even finished it and I already 100% recommend it if you're a) a young woman, b) need some motivation and positivtity in your life and c) want to find a way to work your faith into all you do, and want to do in life. It's pretty fantastic.

One of the chapters we read this week was called "Your People." Think: Meredith & Christina, Grey's Anatomy. We all have "our people" in life, helping us get where we need to be, and also depending on us to help them, too. My favorite excerpt:

"But how to find them — the people who will stand with you and hold up your arms or cover your mouth when you should shut up — seems to be the challenge. The people are easier to identify than you may realize — you just follow your path and look around, because the brave ones? They are the ones parallel to you. They are your people."

Isn't that so true? Our people are beside us, all the time. And isn't that cool to think about? We're never alone. And here I am, in a stressed out mood coming into the night, and now remembering how silly that is, because I have these great people all around me to lift me up, even when it's unexpectedly happening over wine and pizza on a Wednesday night. God moment right there.

So point being, it was during this casual, but meaningful get-together and conversation with these girlfriends, that I truly stepped myself back down to earth and remembered that my life really is so good and I'm so fortunate to have great people (especially girlfriends!) as a part of it.

So anywho, thank GOODNESS for fun evenings and motivational books to get a girl out of a funk and back into a "you go girl" type mentality. I hope you all step into the weekend, free of any "funk," and ready to celebrate this beautiful life. You deserve it!

Xoxo,
Molly

tbt: The day I wore my wedding dress to RP's

^Because, #yolo.

I can, without a doubt, 100%, tell you that my wedding day was the best day of my life. I enjoyed every minute - beaming with happiness, laughing, crying and genuinely just loving life. As I just recently (yes, I got married close to 9 months ago) finally ordered my wedding album, it made me take another deep-dive into all the awesome photos we got of our big day.

I've yet to share many day-of pics on here, so I thought why not bring back a little #tbt, while sharing some of the best/funniest/most non-traditional perfect moments of our wedding day, through pics. Because one of the best parts of all the photos you get is that you get to relive your big day and remember what made it so unique and perfect to you.

Plus, to all my wedding planning friends, here's my word of advice when it comes to wedding pics: Do you. Your day is just that, yours. So smile when you want to, cry when you want to and perfect the "skinny arm" if you want to. You're the one that matters and everyone else will smile along :)

1. It's inevitable. Some of the wedding poses, especially the solo shots, are going to be a little awkward. But trusting your photographer makes for some pretty cool shots - even if you're awkwardly giggling the whole time.

2. A friend of mine gave me some wedding photos advice one day in passing, to make sure you strike a pose during your recessional down the aisle, post-ceremony. Somehow, someway, I remembered that bit of advice (or maybe I was just genuinely the happiest human alive at the moment) and we were able to capture this insanely happy moment on camera. I also didn't realize at the time but Kev's grandparents have a "recessional wall" in their home and they quickly printed and framed this bad boy. I love it!

3. Sometimes you just need to be casual and let your friends have some fun during the hours-long photo session. So by the guys throwing on their sunglasses for some shots, slamming some champagne on the bus in between destinations, we were having fun! And at the end of the day, that's all I wanted. To have continuous fun from start to finish. #success

4. My favorite non-traditional decision of the day? Let's all go to RP's (our favorite bar in Oakley close to our home) to have a drink and take some fun pics! It was one of my favorite parts of the afternoon. The chicks all had a Fireball shot and the guys got a Razz Wheat draft beer from our favorite Athens brewery. Really, perfection. So in 30 years when we're going through our wedding album, we'll remember when we used to YOLO around at our favorite bar, even on our wedding day.

5. I think when I thought of wedding photos pre-my own, I thought they were all going to be super formal and posed. Little did I know, some of the most fun ones to look back on to relive memories, are the candids that were sneakily captured.

6. The reception was the most fun part of the day! I looked around all night seeing my friends and family having fun, watched Kev put on a concert for everyone and now looking back at pictures, I feel like I'm living it all over again. It's the in-the-moment photos that really bring me back.

7. So at the end of the day, I remember the smiles and laughs on the best day of my life. I'll never, ever forget that kind of happiness - and luckily, will have the pictures to prove it.

P.S. Shout out to the incredibly sweet Mandy Paige who captured all these beauties. Xoxo!!

Why more 20-somethings should give their time to non-profits

Over the weekend I discussed with some friends to do my next blog post on Fireball (lol), but figured something a little more uplifting/detoxifying is probably better-suited for all of our New Year's resolutions still intact.

Like I listed last week, I had a lot of accomplishments and learnings over the last year. Which was awesome! All in all, my resolution last year was to at the end of the day, in no matter what context of a goal I was hoping to reach, to have the end result "well with my soul." Doing well, doing good and living life to its fullest makes my soul happy. 

One of the biggest ways I accomplished this was by devoting more of my time and energy to a non-profit. I joined Komen's Board of Directors, sat on committees and attended more meetings than normal, to really get involved more with this group, and to feel personally involved in the change this organization makes in people's lives.

A lot of friends in the mid-twenty-somethings crowd think they're either too young to get involved, don't have enough experience, knowledge, monetary giving ability, whatever. But that is absolutely false. I believe even more so that your twenties are a great time to give your time. Giving can lead to an overwhelming sense of receiving, and doesn't that sound better than falling into a quarter-life crisis? Here's what to remember when debating if you can devote more time to non-profits and causes bigger than you:

You have free time
Whether you'd like it or not, "free time" is much more abundant when you're young in the workforce. Even if you're working more hours a week than a normal post-grad, chances are you have more time than you think that you could be donating to a cause that means something to you. Instead of binging on your latest Netflix obsession after work every night this week, you could look into volunteer opportunities available to you. The reward can be just as great as your favorite show's season finale!

It's an escape for your normal 9-5
The whole Monday-Friday, 9-5 ordeal can be tiring, and sometimes draining. A great way to escape the post-grad career blues can be found through volunteering. After a tough day in the office, going to help those in need is sure to be rewarding and uplifting. Get through the long work weeks by having something outside the office to look forward to. And it's always a plus if your company gives you volunteer hours or credit for giving your time!

You get to use your talents in a new environment
For me, I was a journalism major and now work in marketing. So I jump at opportunities that allow me to use talents I already have like event planning, media planning and advertising initiatives. Things I work on in my real-life job, but can also help with outside the office. It's a great way to get experience that can help the non-profit you're working with, and add to your career resume as fun, rewarding jobs you've helped complete, outside of work hours (which is sure to look fantastic to potential employers in your next interview!)

Time can be just as valuable as money
Non-profits always need money. There's always a goal to raise more money because in the end, that means being able to help more people, animals, whatever the cause may be. But a great thing to remember in our younger years when money isn't always overflowing, is that our time can be just as valuable. Giving a few hours on the weekend to help volunteer at a local charity event, attending committee meetings for a cause close to your heart; these all can be ways where donating doesn't have to mean money.

Doing good feels good
This is the best and easiest explanation. Doing good for others feels so, so good. Nothing is better than helping those in need, and especially when you feel like you really, personally helped. Whether it's handing out lunches in a soup kitchen, helping write the organization's monthly newsletter, or any aspect of volunteering that you can give, you're destined to leave a better person than you came. When looking for New Year's resolutions, is there an outcome any better than that?

Go out and do good in the world, team! I know you can.

Xoxo,
Molly

P.S. It just wouldn't be write to publish a post on January 7 and not acknowledge by BFF of like 16 years! Happy Birthday, Whitters! It's because of friends like you that I'm who and where I am today.

A year of learnings: remembering successes & lessons before pursuing resolutions

There are a million and one things I learned over the past year about myself, life, etc. and I'm sure next year will be filled with a million more. It's fun to look back on quite an epic year of life and think of the brilliant, funny, not so funny, not so brilliant things I've learned, from a year of YOLO'ing through life's adventures. 

So here are just a few that stand out and I challenge you all to jot down some of your own favorites. The New Year isn't just about resolutions and what you can do better, but remembering all the good you've already done and can continue doing. Cheers to our best year yet! I can't imagine what 2016 can throw my way, but I do know I'm ready for it. Xoxo!

1. Sometimes in life you just need yoga pants, pizza, wine & a Netflix binge.

2. Having friends that make you laugh until it hurts is one of life's greatest gifts.

3. Taking time for yourself can be hard, but is so necessary for sanity.

4. Growing up is kind of cool.

5. Whoever said you "black out" during your wedding due to overwhelming excitement, they were right.

6. ^Appreciate your friends that document the crap out of life's biggest events. The pics are awesome for later!

7. Staying in touch with far-away friends is harder than you think. There's a reason you make it work somehow for the ones that are worth it!

8. Husbands are the best. Especially those that do all the yard work, pay the bills and cook the food.

9. It's OK to admit when you're having a hard time with something, and asking for help. Those who love you will be there.

10. You never need the shot your friends will buy you at the bar (RPs), but you'll always take it. Especially if/when tears of happiness are involved (ECP I'm looking at you!)

11. Faith can do wonders. Always try to acknowledge when little "God moments" come along.

12. Taking on new roles can be scary, but super rewarding (ie: Komen Board! HelloGiggles!)

13. Home-ownership is awesome. Yard work, not so much (love ya, Kev!)

14. It's OK to decide to spend money on new kitchenware instead of new shoes. See #4.

15. Never underestimate the feeling you get after a kick-ass workout

16. ^Every time you don't want to get up for your morning workout class alarm, it always ends up being worth it.

17. Between Monday-Friday 8-5, coworkers can sometimes turn into the greatest friends and confidantes. 

18. Nothing beats the greatness of family. Even/especially when you have a lot of them.

19. Sisters can turn into the very best friends.

20. Life can sometimes seen hectic beyond repair, but somehow, someway, everything always works out. Crediting this to #s 1, 2, 8 & 18.

Girlfriend gratefulness & endless thankfulness for these ones that took me in

I don't think I could ever express my gratitude enough for how thankful I am that my current this-stage-of-life best girlfriends took me into their awesome ladies wolf pack. They have all known each other for pretty much their whole lives, so to let in someone so late in their best friend life, is something I don't take for granted. I always had a strong group of awesome girls around me growing up, and still do even though a lot of them are now afar, so I didn't even know it'd be possible to find new friends that would let me in, nonetheless have such a profound impact on my life. 

This pack of girlfriends changed my life forever, and I'm lucky they've been able to teach me so much in the few years since they've taken me in. They, maybe inadvertently, have shown me why it can be such a blessing to continue finding and keeping special people in your lives, no matter what age or stage of life you're in.

Instead of making one friend, you can automatically make many
Making friends post-college-aged-years is tough. You no longer are lucky enough to live in the same house or city as your besties, but sometimes have to force yourself to meet some new BFFs. I was so lucky to have awesome high school friends and the best college girlfriends ever possible, so when those years were over, I quickly learned making new friends is not easy. Being taken in by a cool group of chicks was one of the best things to happen in my mid-twenties. I wasn't needing to feel like I had to cling to one friend because otherwise I'd be lonely, but instead had a group of girls that I could turn to depending on whether I wanted a date to the mall, a night out or even to go to church. Gaining a crew of chicks allowed me to get to know each of them, and in turn, have them really get to know me, so that we could lean on each other, be there for each other and form a solid bond. 

You're all in this stage of life together
One of the cool things about joining a group of girlfriends in your mid-twenties is that everyone's kind of coming into their own at the same time. Sure, these girls have all known each other since grade school, but they went off to separate colleges and some to different cities, so no matter who's been closest with who for years, everyone's kind of figuring out who they are and who they want to be. And that's what is so great about girlfriends. They're endlessly there for you. So when one of us is going through a rough patch, or gets engaged, or even just needs to chat, we all can relate. I'm committed to being there for them as much as they are forever there for me. It's continuously an incredible thing.

We became friends for a reason - because we wanted to
I truly believe all things happen for a reason, and I know there's a reason these girls have been placed in my life. I also know that it didn't have to happen this way. Kev didn't have to introduce me to this group of girls he was friends with in high school, but he thought we'd hit it off, and we did. We didn't have to continue friendship over years of life's most trying times, but we did. I accepted them and they accepted me, without ask. At the end of the day, we're friends, and friends choose to stick it out for each other. It is such a beautiful thing, a group of strong, empowering young women who choose to be each other's advocates through life. I'm lucky to have found such a group, so strong, even if I'm slightly an outlier.

So to all my chicks out there - remember to be thankful for all your groups of girlfriends this holiday season. They make the world a better, brighter, and just down right more fun place to be in. Long live, girl-power. 

Happy Thanksgiving! xoxo
Molly

Moving forward because transitions are just #awkward

So here's the deal. I've been putting off a post like this for probably a few months now, and was nervous to get back to my blog, because I can be #awkward. Nothing's wrong, nothing's really changed, but I guess a lot has changed. So here I am, informing whomever may slightly care, about what's going on in my life and what's to come, in a blogging-sense.

1. My mission is still loud and clear: to give a voice to young women who find themselves in the high-risk spectrum of breast cancer, who may otherwise feel alone, scared or uneducated. I want to be your voice, your mentor and your educator (though I still have much more to learn myself). Nothing from that original mission of mine and of this blog has changed, and I want to make that very clear. That is still my priority, and I hope to continue making a difference at whatever capacity God chooses to give me.

Also, update: I may not be as upfront or outward (though that UC Health commercial still plays a million times a day at Fountain Square downtown - shout out to my downtown peeps who have to see my face way too much on there), but I've now taken an executive position on the Susan G. Komen Greater Cincinnati Affiliate's Board of Directors. I truly feel that I can continue making a difference in the lives of affected women in our community, and also in supporting the world's largest breast cancer organization in their goal to save lives and end breast cancer forever. I have so many topics I want to cover soon from things I have learned and observed by holding this position, and am excited I can use my writing to educate others, while using my Board placement to continue educating myself.

2. I'm writing about other "stuff" now, too. You guys, I am like the luckiest human alive that I randomly chose to submit an essay to HelloGiggles one day, and they actually liked it. I'm a huge fan of their site (I mean, it was founded by Zooey Deschenal, and you can't tell me you don't watch New Girl without immediately wanting to be her BFF, so I'm getting there...) so for me to have something published on there was like a j-school dream from college days past. I'm now a real "contributor" which basically means I have my own page, with a photo (so legit) and I can keep continuing to pitch them more content. I rarely am like all-time outwardly proud of myself, but this really made me feel like a badass. So whether it be about breast cancer high-risk or life in general, I'm going to try to keep up my work on their site as much as time allows.

3. Combo of the above: Long story short, I was afraid I couldn't do both. That I couldn't merge my original goals of this blog, with my newly remembered love for writing about all sorts of things. Well, that was not the brightest thought on my part, because I so can, especially with a little boost of confidence. Also, since this is the real world and not every article or essay I pitch to HG will be accepted, I'm going to begin posting some different articles to The Molly Effect. I think this will be a good way to a) not feel discouraged when something I spend time on isn't picked up for their site, and b) help me keep motivated to continue writing, whether or not its original intent was for this site or any other. Something's gotta keep me on my life-goal track to get on the Today Show.

As I said before, my overarching mission is still constant, but I'm also going to branch out and blog about other "lifestyle" topics, whether that be what I learned from planning a wedding this past year, to my awesome BFFs or my right-now best green smoothie recipe, it could definitely vary. If it's lame and I start getting hate mail that I suck all of a sudden, I'll listen. Til then, hopefully you'll enjoy (and go check out my HG articles here). Love you all!

Xoxo & TGIT!
Molly

#tbt Six learnings gathered along the last six roller-coaster months

^First things first, for a girl who has taken off almost every Friday this summer, Wednesdays are the new Thursdays. So #tbt on a Wednesday is my jam.

I'm baaaack! Kind of. In the last six months, my brain, and body, have been so all over the place that until last week, I forgot what Friday was like in Cincinnati. Gosh, since I last wrote in January, everything has changed, and at the same time, is still very much the same. Today, I'll focus on the learnings I gained from these changes. And from those, the good and the bad of what I've experienced and realized through these crazy, hectic and insanely love-filled months in the Life of Molly.

1. My name! First, and most importantly, I am a married woman! Molly Elizabeth Essell has now turned Molly Essell McKnight, thanks to my rockstar husband K-Dawg. Our wedding was the absolute best day of my entire life and I don't know how I'll ever top it (yes, I know, children, but for now, I'll stick to my hilarious and crazy wedding day memories!) Favorite part of the day: watching Kevin kill it! His confidence in welcoming all of our family and friends, his ability, and want, to say hi to everyone in the room, and above all, the best performance of Walking in Memphis to date. #mcknightofyourlife

2. They aren't kidding: Pure Barre is life changing and incredibly addicting. Yes, I am one of them now. I make myself get up at 5 a.m. to go to an hour class where my limbs shake like I never knew possible, I curse myself for every beer I had the night before and at the end of the hour, leave like I'm Beyonce. Future brides: it is so worth it! I can't remember the last time I felt as confident about my body as I did on my wedding day. The best part, that confidence was so much more than anything physical, but because I genuinely felt healthy, fit and strong. And from something I really worked toward, and can keep improving! #shakingischanging

3. Homeownership is no joke. On top of getting married, we purchased our first home! Kev and I both work in the mortgage lending business in some capacity, but let me tell you, I had no clue what was going on. Kevin 100% took the reigns and I paid attention only when lol'ing that our underwriting paperwork had the logo of a division of the bank I supported two years ago or that I would have to call him to decipher an email he sent our mortgage loan originator that threw me through a loop. Other than that, and the day we signed, it was way over my head. I'll focus on the decorating and "fun" aspects of homeownership, and appreciate Kev's attention to detail and scheduling of the mortgage payment each month. #thankgodforhomegoods

4. When people tell you, "You'll have your time in life when the dominoes fall and all your friends get married/engaged." This is real. Soooooo real. And for some reason, I really didn't realize it until ours was over, and I had to timidly request the millions of Fridays I was taking off work this summer in hopes I didn't become the most hated employee around. Luckily, everyone seems to understand this crazy time of life happens to everyone at some point. Main learnings from this time: this is the tannest summer I've had since high school because of all my beach weekend trips, I've gotten to see some of my best girlfriends more in one summer than in the last year and somehow, someway, my body survives on weekend vodka sodas and weekday lemon waters (again, thank goodness for Pure Barre weekdays and everything in moderation). All in all, I am so, so lucky to have so many great friends I can love on and support all summer, during these exciting times in our lives! #squadgoals

5. Following suit, being this busy is exhausting on not just my body, but my soul: I'm tired. I miss my husband. I miss our new house. I miss my family. I miss my friends that aren't a part of these trips and that I haven't seen as much this summer. This realization is a weird one for me because I'm the one that craves having plans at every available opportunity, and never wants to stay in on a Saturday night. So being tired from being social was a strange reality. But what I'm learning is that it's a good reality to have. To realize on one hand, I'm so loved and love so many great people around me that I'm staying so busy surrounding myself with them. And on the other hand, realizing it's OK to be tired and to take time for myself when I need it. Come fall, I'm going to be missing all this craziness and longing for the next time I see my faraway friends. So for now, I #yolo.

6. My mission of spreading breast cancer awareness and proactive health very much lives on. I can't go a week without someone telling me they saw my UC Health commercial during a Reds game (really though, that thing seems to be never-ending. Cue Kevin's comment on royalties......).  In all seriousness, it's been a whirlwind year beginning with surgery, to deciding to do something positive with it and be open about it, to being able to share my story on so many welcoming platforms, and finally, to now moving onto a life of health, positivity and most of all, genuine happiness. And on top of all of that, I'm even more involved with Komen this year and can continue doing what I can to share my mission. I wouldn't be who or where I am without those decisions made last year, and for those who supported me along the way. #themollyeffect

So with that, I admittedly say this was more about self-divulging my feelings than anything else. It's an incredible feeling of relief to get things out, and for me, onto a computer screen. I've realized that sometimes it's too surreal to measure the impact you have on others' lives, but I'm grateful to know I can somehow still make a difference, even if every now and then I just blab on about my personal life. Keep on keepin' on, and stay tuned to my Where's Waldo-style life. I'm determined to continue finding myself along each journey.

Xoxo,
Molly

P.S. Like the blog face-lift? I'm going to go ahead and pat myself on the back for figuring out how to redirect my wordpress site to my used-to-be wedding website. Cheers to Google!

Fearing to ask the question: Am I losing my identity?

It's been more than a year since I first decided to move forward with my prophylactic mastectomy, more than 3 and a half years since my dad passed away, and just shy of 6 years since I tested positive for the BRCA1 genetic mutation. And the craziest throwback of them all? The very last part of my surgery and reconstruction was complete just nine days ago. So the obvious (at least to me) question presents itself: Is it all over? Is the person I've become throughout this journey ending her reign of breast cancer Previvor queen? And the scariest question of all: Who am I now? The short answer is that I am changed. Physically, emotionally, I am a changed woman. Having to deal with physical trials and pain for pretty much the first time in my life was hard, though it made me realize how strong you can be when you need to, and how minimal my pain and trials were, compared to if I would have gotten sick, and not had this as a preventative procedure.

God love one of my BFFs for being the one friend that always asks you the "what was your best and worst of the last year" when it's your birthday type questions. I'm lucky enough that my crew of best friends celebrated my reconstruction completion this past weekend, and naturally, at dinner, this BFF posed the question to both Kevin and I of "what, when now looking back, are we surprised about now that this whole ordeal is complete?" Kev's answer was frighteningly so true: When we look now at those we've either met over the last few months, or even just seen from afar, that are fighting the battle of breast cancer, and especially at such a young age, it definitely scares us straight. The few months of struggles were 100% the right choice, for both of us. My odds were just simply not in my favor, and I did something to fix that. I can't predict the future, but I can say with confidence that I lowered my risk of becoming one of those statistics.

Emotionally, I've been on a roller coaster. I'd say most of the time I've been on top of the ride, able to use this experience as a positive one, staying confident and optimistic. But there were some days I went down the hill and struggled to climb back up. I took things out on people who didn't deserve it, I avoided others, and sometimes let myself get down. But now looking back, I think it was all deserved. I deserved a day or two to be hurting, emotionally or physically, and I deserved to be mad that I had to miss out on something, or mad at the forgotten friend who didn't reach out. It made my skin a little thicker, and gave me the ability to climb myself back to the top of the ride and realize all of the good things and good people I have in my life. I did not come out bitter, I can promise you that.

I guess I'm most scared of losing the identity of the person I've become. I've always had some type of added identity, not necessarily by choice, but always there. Whether it be the girl in the sorority who's dad is sick, the girl with the weird genetic thing or now the girl who had the mastectomy. And I'm not mad about it. If anything, it's helped shape who I am to myself and who I am to others, hopefully in a pleasant light, for overcoming these situations. But, it is scary, thinking I'm losing something that's helped give me a confidence, or a motivation to be better and to do better.

So the silver lining? There is still so much more to share, so many more lives to touch and hopefully many more lives to save. My work now is not just who I am, but my mission. Because now I've done more than share my story and journey as I've gone through it. I've actually overcome it and have the ability to move forward. And I'm going to at least let myself believe that's more than a stigma, or even an identity. My mission is powerful, and now I have even more time to dedicate to serving that mission (and plan a wedding while I'm at it).

So thank you, each and every one of you that reads this, that has supported me all along the way and has shown me love in such beautiful gestures. It's because of that support, love and faith that I can say I am finished with this stage of my journey, and am incredibly happy with the new, healthy and refreshed person I am.

It's not over, it really is just a new beginning and a time to fight for other young high-risk women to have a louder voice in the world. I don't have to be scared (for long at least) that the person I am is changed, but proud of who I have been and am now, because that pride is something that can carry forward.

So I hope you continue to follow the next steps of my journey, because as I said, there is much more to share, and much, much more to come.

Xoxo, Molly

“My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style.” - Maya Angelou

Is it well with your soul?

Now that we're all recovered from our holiday food and drink hangovers, the infamous new year's resolutions are taking the forefront of every topic of conversation. I'm a sucker for a positive outlook and striving to do better, but after the last year, and with what's coming in the next year, I'm also realizing it's so much more than becoming a health nut or promising this year's the year to be the perfect you. During an awesome church service Sunday discussing your bright future this year, and in which they sang one of the best songs, I got a little sidetracked thinking of what my own new year's resolution would be and what I wanted to change in my life. But, wholeheartedly, for me this year it's about doing what makes me a better person, inside and out, and most importantly, what leaves me feeling that what I do and who I become is well with my soul.

Feeling healthier instead of losing weight We've all seen it the last few days. The overcrowded gyms with newcomers wanting to get in shape in 2015, the Groupon emails with gym discounts. It's everywhere. And hey, if the new year and the blasts of gym commercials on TV are what make you get motivated, all the power to you. But for me, it's not that I necessarily feel like I need more motivation (although the hundreds of appetizers and glasses of wine I consumed over the holidays should be reason enough) it's really the desire to take a step back and find what's going to make me feel the healthiest. I'm getting married in T-141 days, so am I wanting to kick it into full gear and be at the gym as much as possible between now and then? Absolutely. But my resolution, and goal in general, is to feel healthy, because I really believe that feeling healthy leads to feeling happy. I'd be doomed if I unwillingly went to the gym every single day, rather than going when I can and want to 3-4 times a week, and pairing that with eating healthy at every possible occasion. Because let's be honest, I enjoy sleeping in every now and then, and I very much enjoy going out for dinner and drinks, so it's all in moderation. And that balance is how I intend to live this year, and feeling good about it all along the way.

Being nicer instead of being perfect I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't want to be perfect. I think it's an inherent instinct in (most of) us to want to do everything in our power to be perfect. But does that necessarily make you happy? Is that a realistic goal? For me at least, no way. I'll never be perfect, but I sure can improve. And one way in which I intend to improve this year is to be nicer. Nicer to the people close to me and nicer to those I come in contact with that I may not even know. If there's one thing I learned during the last year, it's how much inspiration a positive person can give to you. When I had tough moments last year, I had the most incredible people in my life to infect me with positivity, and even cooler, I had people that I had never met before or really ever connected with prior to, that sent me such nice, caring and sincere words and thoughts, and that, was really awesome. So instead of feeling unsuccessful when I reach 2016 that I wasn't able to perfect every little thing in my life, I'm hoping to use the next year to succeed in the goal of just being a genuinely nicer person. And hey, maybe it'll even spread some positivity to others around me.

Giving more instead of needing to get more Who doesn't think at the first of a new year that they'd like to "get" more? Whether it's getting more money, getting more possessions, getting big things like a house, a new car, a new job? I think it's incredibly natural to think of ways you can get more from the new year, but my goal, and this is going to be a hard one, is to emphasize more on giving, than what I want to get. It's not just wanting to give money to charity, or give my time for volunteering, but also giving myself and my time to others. In a most general sense, I want to give more time to my family and to Kevin. I admittedly and so easily get wrapped up with what everyone else is doing ,where everyone else is going, and it's a tough cycle of anxiety and sometimes feeling defeated. When in reality, I have what should be the greatest year of my life ahead of me, and so much to be grateful for and to celebrate. And in a more specific sense, I want to continue giving myself to church. I've become more of a regular attender, than a once-a-month attendee (which can be hard as a mid-twenties social butterfly, even when you grew up going every week!), and I can absolutely see a correlation in my happiness and attitude, to the time I give to go to church on Sunday mornings. Hopefully there are many more ways I'll find to give this year, but I'll start with these. I'm all about being realistic here!

So who am I to preach? I'm still learning, I'm not perfect and I definitely have room for improvement in all aspects of my life. But, I do think we all can use positive ideas sometimes, especially those that may strike a cord or light a vision in us that can positively impact our lives and the lives of those around us. So I hope you can shine your light in 2015, and better yet, shine that light unto others around you.

Make it well with your soul today, and every day of 2015. Xoxo! Molly

Throwback Thursday: The importance of Xmas traditions, giving and endless celebrations

'Tis the most wonderful time of year upon us, and I have to admit I still have a little of the Christmas blues. It truly may not have been until after my dad passed away that I realized he was a big part in my obsession with the Christmas season. We really did, and still do, make Christmas a big deal in the Essell household. Admittedly, my sister and I have been incredibly spoiled every year since we can remember, but it wasn't without appreciation for what we have, our family and the holiday season, and we have our dad to thank for that. He loved Christmas. The whole idea of it, and everything that went into the crazy season. And he definitely did it up big each and every year, even the last few when he wasn't feeling the best, we still made it as big of a deal. And wow, do I appreciate that now looking back. But with fun memories sometimes comes sadness that he's no longer here. It's hard not sharing this season with him, and all the traditions that come this month. So to get myself out of the Christmas blues, I'm going to self-medicate with sharing memories of why Scott Essell truly had the best Christmas spirit. Traditions! The biggest and best tradition our family has is getting our Christmas tree at Big Tree Plantation. We don't go down the road to pick up a tree at any old place. We go to a legitimate Christmas tree farm about 30 minutes away to physically cut down our tree. Even during years when my dad was sick and not physically able to help cut down the tree, we'd have his friend or our grandparents come and help. It didn't stop even through his illness. If anything, it was more of a reason to get ourselves out in the cold and make it happen. To many people the whole thing probably seems a bit extreme, but for us, it is a Christmas must! It's a tradition that has its own hilarious story each year. When Olivia was younger, she used to cry when we didn't cut down the one of her choice. One time she slipped on the ice and fell in mud during one of her tantrums, and I will never, ever forget how hard we all laughed. This year, Jenny, Olivia, Kevin and I tried endlessly to cut down our tree with a dull saw, until some poor family next to us came over and offered their electric saw and helped us out. I really kid you not, every year something hysterical happens and even when there are tears, we end the day in laughter. I really do believe my dad is smiling down the whole time knowing we're continuing on the tradition.

The joy of giving! Like I said, my dad did Christmas up big. In life in general, he had a "work hard, play hard" mentality that I definitely have picked up. He worked very hard and always wanted the absolute best for his three girls. I know now the reason the three of us still make Christmas a big deal is because of how much he loved it and always wanted us to enjoy every minute. But it wasn't just about material gifts, he truly enjoyed giving. On the last Thanksgiving we all had together, we took a trip to Chicago to go Christmas shopping (yet again, testament to how much he loved this season, willingly spending a weekend of shopping with his girls). On Black Friday, Olivia and I wanted to sleep in a bit, but he got up and went to stand in line at the Apple store at 6 a.m. because he wanted to get iPods. Not for himself or for us, but for his employees at the hospital. I'm so glad I could have someone like him in my life that not only taught me to work hard, but to enjoy the act of giving.

And on his last Christmas, which looking back I should have realized it probably was going to be his last, but really I treated it like any other, he gave his girls the best gift of all. He had three presents wrapped up that he had us all open at the same time. (I tear up still every time telling this story, so prepare the tissues.) Each of us opened a framed picture, and while we opened it he said each of them were how he wanted us individually to remember him. Olivia's was a picture of the two of them decked out in luau gear, at a father-daughter dance. Mine was a picture of him standing next to his bike, with a huge (rare) smile on his face. And Jenny's was a picture of his legs, a few years back, because he wanted her to remember how strong he was. Without anything else needing to be said, he was the best gift giver and we are so forever grateful.

Celebrations! Selfishly, I mean the celebration of birthdays, and mine specifically. My love and obsession for Christmas is also because my birthday happens to be Christmas Eve. I can't tell you how many times I've been asked in my life if I hate it because it's so close to the holiday, but I've never been able to say yes. All of my parents and family have always made sure my birthday is not overshadowed by the big day. I sometimes feel bad for Kevin because there's just no way around it, for the rest of my life, I will expect Christmas and Christmas Eve to be separate (both made a big deal) days and occasions. I just can't get over it. But it's the memories celebrating my birthday with my dad and my family that I have to treasure. Half the time we'd celebrate my birthday early in December so that it was all separate. And to this day, God forbid I don't have a Bonbonerie cake for my birthday. I get the best feeling of nostalgia seeing "Happy Birthday Molly" in purple icing on an opera creme cake because it reminds me so genuinely of my dad and all the Bonbonerie treats we shared over my childhood. So basically, I'm blaming my dad for my birthday obsession too, in a very good way. Because I know I will be just like him and hopefully one day be able to spoil a little one and make them feel like the most special person in the world, like he did to me each year.

And with that, I feel better already. It's hard to admit sometimes that I can get so down this time of year, missing him, when I know he would want me to have a season full of love and laughter. So with that, I'm changing my tune and will use this to spread some holiday cheer to all of you.

During the hustle and bustle of this hectic season, I hope you can remember to hug your loved ones and tell them how much they mean to you. You never know when it's going to be the last, but you sure can make the most out of the present. And if you're in the same boat as me, missing a loved one even more this time of year, I wish you a season of peaceful memories.

Merry Christmas! Xoxo, Molly

Can we all get along? Why I think even Melissa Etheridge & I should be friends.

I'll start by saying, I originally wrote something about this topic earlier in the week, and I'm glad I held off, calmed down and reflected on the bigger issue to be addressed before posting. When it comes down to it, I was angry. Angry about an article that I got a hold of this week that discusses why there is some backlash for singing superstar Melissa Etheridge and some things she said in a recent interview for AARP Magazine. As we all know, she is one of the most acclaimed musicians of our time, and as some may not know, also a breast cancer survivor. I don't know too much about her or listen to her music, but I do remember in 2013 when she came out making remarks about Angelina Jolie's decision to have a preventative double mastectomy. Her description of Angelina's decision: "I wouldn't call it the brave choice. I actually think it's the most fearful choice you can make when confronting anything with cancer." Clearly she and I have some differing views. But whatever, everyone's entitled to their own opinion. I, of all people, understand that. But she is at it again with her recent comments. In late September, AARP Magazine came out with an article featuring Etheridge and friend and co-breast cancer survivor Sheryl Crow. In this article, Etheridge, who, this is the biggest kicker, is a carrier of the BRCA2 mutation herself, was asked if women should be tested for the genetic mutation. Her response: "I have the BRCA2 mutation, but I don't encourage women to get tested. Genes can be turned on or off. I turned my gene on with my very poor diet."

Now do you see why my anger kicked in? This is ridiculous! Literally no other word to describe it. Completely ridiculous.

So first things first. This is an inaccurate statement, which she is now retracting because of the backlash flooding in from organizations that support high-risk women. Genes 100% cannot be turned on or off. Absolutely, diet, exercise, environment, many factors can affect one's health, but you cannot turn your genetic mutation "off." Giving the idea to a woman, genetically predisposed, that she doesn't need to be concerned with her high-risk if she lives a healthy lifestyle, could be deadly. And personally, it's insulting to me. I consider myself healthy, but I'm also informed, aware and thoughtful of my health, and luckily know that my gene can't be "turned off."

So after I controlled my anger about this ridiculous, very weird statement, the real issue at hand sets in. Is it a survivor/previvor thing? Is it a "I fought a hard fight and you just were scared of the odds" thing? I do think Previvors are getting more publicity these days after people like Angelina Jolie's public decision, but do Previvors deserve to be recognized? Deserve to be praised? I'm biased because I am one, and a proud one at that. It wasn't an easy process and I truly feel like I came out on top. But as negative comments like Etheridge's get attention, do breast cancer fighters and survivors want to recognize the newly proclaimed Previvor? The Angelina Jolie to their Susan G. Komen? I'm not sure. It's probably easier to give positive praise to women, especially young, courageous 25-year-old women like me, for stepping up and being proactive with their health. But is it harder for them to yell out, "Stop with the Previvor, proactive BS!" because we're the lucky ones, the ones able to know about our risk before it turns cancerous, and before we have to become a fighter? I'm not sure either.

As a daughter of someone who lost their life far too soon from the strange and confusing disease of cancer, I would like to say I can understand the selfish anger of "why me" and "why to my family"? And that is absolutely a reason for my proactive surgical measures. I don't want breast cancer survivors to think of me as a cheater, as someone not worthy of any credit. My fight was different and it was one I chose to fight. And for that I say Previvors deserve praise. I, and they, deserve praise for not only choosing to live a healthy and active lifestyle, but to also make decisions, as drastic as they are, to prevent our families from going through the fight as well. We gave up the body part some women even say define them. We chose surgery not because we had to but because we didn't want to have to later on in life. Sure, there's always the chance we never would have gotten sick, but wasn't there also the chance my father would have stayed the healthy cyclist physician, instead of getting terminally ill before he even hit his mid-fifties? Yes. There's always the chance. But for us, we took the chance in our own hands and did what we thought best.

To those who do not understand, I urge you to be sensitive. This personal, life-changing decision wasn't easy and maybe learning about the life of a Previvor can help you see why some decisions require extreme measures. For those of you who are angry, I'm sorry. I'm sorry my extremely personal decision is not what you agree with. I don't agree with a lot of things in life, but in regards to my health and surgical decisions, I will agree to disagree with those who share differing views. And most importantly to those who are fighting or who have fought, even those out there like Melissa Etheridge, you are why I did this and why I want your support. I want the breast cancer community and those mighty strong fighters and survivors to back women like me, back our decision to not allow this horrible disease to interfere with our lives.

What I want the Previvors to remember through this, is that we do not need to be ashamed of the knowledge we choose to have. As I've said before, everyone has comments. You don't have to let them affect you, even if they're from celebrities in nationally published magazines. Remember that in this different fight we're in, we have doctors because we need and trust them for medical expertise, we have activists and organizations that recognize our need for a voice, and trust me that we have and can be our own advocates, because most importantly, we need the support.

Hugs today. Xoxo, Molly

Throwback Thursday: The depth of friendship is not determined by the length of acquaintance

If you can even believe it, this morning was my six month post-op appointment with my breast surgeon. It's impossible not to use this as a time to reflect on the last six months and how I am where I am today: happy, healthy and healing. Self-affirmation and kind words from those around me are always nice to remind me how far I've come, but today it's really about recognizing those, sometimes unexpected, friends who have carried me through my recovery and now my mission to spread the word of proactive health. There are so many who have impacted my life in the most positive ways, and below are a few groups of people who deserve all of my unending gratitude.

Doctors

I truly feel like I've had a connection with Dr. Shaughnessy from the very beginning. My first visit with her, I quickly found she reminded me a lot of my dad, as a medical professional and in her demeanor. Direct, and to the point. Aggressive in her surgical options and not one to leave things up for chance. In the end, why I had so much trust in her and went with her and her team, even if it seemed a little scary at the beginning. The first visit ended in an emotional breakdown, I think because I was realizing how real it all was, and what was going to have to happen to remove every last chance of breast cancer we could. But, after my mom (even though I told her not to) asked her to come back in and talk me down, all was well and she immediately proved how gentle and caring she would be to me throughout the whole process. I was able to respect her knowledge and advice, and obviously things went even better than well. No complications, beating all expectations, and I'm very happy she came into my life when she did. I consider her now a friend and someone I will keep in touch with, doctors appointments or not.

Coworkers

When I started my current job, a lot of my coworkers described the department as a family, and a group that is above all, family-oriented and supportive. That could not be a truer statement. I have gained some incredible friends through the last two years and am so, so very fortunate that through the last year, I've been supported by them both in and out of the office. From the (R.I.P.) Bruegger's runs, to covering for me while I was out, to sending me hilarious cards, care packages and words of encouragement, I can 100% say that I have the best coworkers. I am so lucky to spend eight hours a day with a group so supportive.

Faith-sharers

I grew up in church. My childhood was spent going to youth group and on mission trips every summer. I truly think I am the person I am today because of my church family and especially those trips every year that taught me who I am, who I want to be and how God can play such an active and positive role in my life. The truth is, living in Mt. Lookout, the 20 minute drive to Montgomery to go to church on Sundays was just not working out. Laziness? Probably. But, after an invite to attend church with two friends in Oakley, I found myself attending more and more and finding a church community that could fill my new neighborhood void. Because when it comes down to it, it doesn't matter to me where I'm physically attending on Sundays, but the feeling I get after leaving a service and having a connection with God. If I've said it once, I've said it a million times: I believe God puts everyone in your life for a reason, and especially at a time when you need them. I'm thankful for my faith-sharing friends and their willingness to let me be a part of their Sundays. And aside from my church-goers, I also have to acknowledge the beautiful friends in my life who jam out to K-LOVE with me, have given me devotionals in times of need and continue to pray for me. God is good!

Friends, old & new

I have a few girlfriends, you know who you are, who absolutely always text me the day I put out a blog and continually give me motivation, praise and reassurance. I am SO thankful for you BFFs because you keep me going! I have my friends that are constantly sharing my posts, leaving awesome comments and pumping me up each and every week. My Syca-Chick girlfriends have been my backbone of support for so many years and continue to show me their love to this day. I don't know many people who can say their bridesmaids and to-this-day best friends are all high school friends. We are blessed beyond belief, gfs. My Bobcat girlfriends have always and will always be so special to me and whenever we get together, I am filled with such happiness from all the laughs we continue to share. And last but certainly not least, I have the absolute best group of friends here in Cincinnati that came into my life just a few years ago and have been the ultimate best support system for both myself and Kevin. I can't begin to describe how lucky and grateful I am to have people like you around me. I'm tearing up just thinking about how much you all mean to me!

No matter when and how people come into your life, it's worth taking the time to appreciate the power of friendship. There is always something to be thankful for, and you, my friends, are it.

Xoxo, Molly

Where do you hide your scars?

Kevin said something to me this week that I haven't been able to stop thinking about. It was Tuesday, and we're both lucky to have off bank holidays so we spent this Veteran's Day bopping around town, exploring, having drinks at fun breweries and just enjoying each other and the downtime. During a conversation about how far we've come since my first surgery, we started talking about scars. I was reminiscing about how nervous I was to go on vacation this summer because even just being with our closest friends, I was scared to have my scars so close to the surface. Kevin simply and genuinely said, "You shouldn't worry about your scars anymore. At all." And then the deeper thoughts set in. What scars am I still so scared of? What scars do I still try to hide? And the kicker of them all: where do I hide my scars? If the one person closest to me, that's gone through it all right by my side, isn't worried about my scars, why still am I?

I have my fair share of physical scars. Heck, I have scars under both arms just from the drains I had in for 7 days. Nonetheless the unspoken inch and a half across both sides of my chest. Physically, they've gotten so much better. There's no physical pain associated with them, they physically look less scary and to be quite honest, I'm pretty used to them now. But emotionally, I'm still scared of them sometimes. Not in a "what do people think of me" kind of way, but in regards to my future and my future family. A lot of people, including myself, choose to focus on the positive outcomes of a preventative surgery like mine. And that's what I strive to do each and every day. But through my journey, I think it's important to point out that every day isn't always easy. There are still times when I'm self-conscious, and there are absolutely still times that I'm sad I had to deal with the whole thing in general.

My scars don't define me. I truly believe that. But I want other young women to know that it's okay to be sad, it's okay to be worried and more importantly it's okay to admit your scars can scare you every now and then.

Aside from physical scars, I still very much hide the scars of grief from time to time. I don't think I'll ever have a day where I don't think about my dad and how much I miss him. Losing him was by far the worst and hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life. It was a whirlwind of three really hard years of him struggling, and has been another extremely hard three years since losing him. Grief is funny sometimes in that we can so easily hide and disguise it with the happy memories we have from the past, but the truth is it's still there.

I think the word "hide" tends to have a negative connotation, but for me, sometimes the act of "hiding" has been a positive resource. These days, I hide my scars of grief behind my journey to promote the knowledge of preventative health and use what my dad gave me as an outlet for my grief. It helps me to know that I can hide some of my pain in order to help possibly save someone else's life by telling my story. It may not be right in everyone's eyes, but it's right for me right now.

Most importantly, I hide my scars of the last six months behind my writing. In high school I thought I wanted to be a high school English teacher so that I could help students become better at something I was passionate about from such a young age. In college, I chose journalism, even more fine-tuning my writing skills. But it wasn't until right now, at this very time in my life when I realized this skill and hobby I've had for so many years would be what would save me. It's given me an outlet that's brought pride to what could have seemingly been the most painful time of my life, and if not for anyone else, I write for myself. To make myself feel better and in hopes I'll touch just one person. And just for that reason, I'm okay with hiding.

I hide behind my scars because it's what allows me to be brave and move forward. Hiding isn't always cowardly. Sometimes it's just what you have to do to move forward.

Xoxo, Molly